Everyone experiences guilt at one time or another during their life. While some guilt can induce positive change, it can also become self-destructive, wasting energy and adding unnecessary stress to your life.

Read on for some tips on processing these feelings so that you can eliminate, or at least minimize, your guilt.

• Choose not to rehearse guilt. 
Do you find yourself repeating the same guilty thoughts over and over again? They won’t go away on their own. You must choose to make them stop. 

To do so, make an effort to catch yourself when you find yourself wandering down that painful mental path. Put up a mental stop sign. You can also choose a physical action, such as snapping your fingers, to remind yourself to change direction. Then, deliberately focus on something else, such as your plans for tomorrow. Focusing on something positive in the future is a conscious reminder that there is more to your life than negatives from the past.
  
• Choose to accept what cannot be changed. 
Chances are you’ve already changed anything that needed to be changed about the situation so a self-imposed “penance” for past mistakes accomplishes nothing. It doesn’t change or make up for the past, it simply ruins your future. The proactive thing you can do now is accept that the only thing you can change is your future.
• Choose balance. Guilt keeps us focused on the times we imagine we failed. It blinds us to all the other times when we were successful. So the next time your mind drifts into unhappy, guilty thoughts, choose to refocus. Actively remind yourself of times where you made good decisions, were responsible or did something you were proud of. Write down a list of the things you did. Force yourself to remember what went right. Recognize that there is, and always has been, a balance between your failures and your successes.
  
• Choose forgiveness. 
Forgiveness is a necessity in any relationship, including the one you have with yourself. Treat yourself with the same degree of love and acceptance that others give you and that you give others. Only then will you be able to heal.

The world benefits from individuals who choose to learn from their mistakes and move on to make a difference. Don’t let guilt keep you locked in a lifetime of misery. Choose to forgive, to love, and to move forward.

Some people are simply more resilient than others. Whether it’s genetics or something they learned growing up, we all know of someone who takes challenges in strides, shrugs off disappointment and perseveres in the face of stress.

If you happen to be someone who is less resilient (you find yourself dwelling on problems, feeling overwhelmed or having trouble coping with stress) — know that you’re not alone. Also know that there’s good news! There are many things you can do to build your resiliency. It may take time but eventually, you can feel confident in your strengths and abilities, manage your emotions and handle stressful situations in healthy ways.


Here are our top 10 tips for building resiliency:


1. Think of stressful situations as temporary. You can’t change the fact that highly stressful events happen, but you can change how you perceive these events and the way you respond to them. Try to picture several weeks or months into the future when the stressful event or crisis has passed. Are things really that bad? In most cases, probably not.

2. Accept that change is a part of living. Things change around and within us all the time. Try to accept change will happen and focus on the ways the new circumstances could be positive.

3. Identify realistic goals. Set regular goals — even if they seem like small accomplishments. This will give you motivation to work toward bigger goals. To do this, ask yourself each day what you can accomplish today that will help you move in the general direction of where you want to go.

4. Take action. If a stressful or adverse situation occurs, don’t isolate yourself or detach from the problem and hope it goes away. Think about what you can do to make the situation better and the effective action you can take as soon as possible.

5. Learn from experience. There is potential for us to learn from every experience we go through — positive and negative. When going through a difficult time, think of how you’ve coped with hardships in the past. Try writing down what happened and how you solved a the situation. This exercise can help you identify what skills and strategies were helpful and that you should use again.

6. Keep things in perspective. Even when facing very stressful events, try to consider the stressful situation in a broader context and keep a long-term perspective. Avoid blowing the event out of proportion by reminding yourself that it will pass. Ask yourself, “Will this matter a few months or a year from now?”

7. Make every day meaningful. Do something each day that gives you a sense of purpose and accomplishment. Try setting goals in the morning right after breakfast. Doing so can help you feel motivated and productive — a great feeling at the beginning of a new day!

8. Be proactive. Don’t ignore your problems. As hard as it can be to do, addressing situations head on will help you feel much better in the end. Know that whatever the setback or difficult situation is, it will improve if you create a plan and start taking action.

9. Make social connections. Whenever you’re dealing with a problem, it is important to have people who can offer support. Talking about the challenges you are facing can be an excellent way to gain perspective, look for new solutions, express your emotions and problem solve.

10. Take care of yourself. No matter what you’re going through, it’s important to have love and respect for yourself. If you’ve made a mistake or done something wrong, don’t beat yourself up. Try and think about your past successes or situations where you’ve done the right thing. You may want to try some stress management and relaxation techniques such as a yoga or meditation class or deep breathing. At least make sure that you’re eating regular meals and getting enough sleep.

What has helped you become more resilient? Share your tips in the comment section below!

Last week we posted some tips on handling feelings of anger. Along with those immediate coping mechanisms, it’s also worthwhile to consider some longer-term solutions for managing anger.

Here are some things you might want to try if you’ve been feeling a lot of intense anger.

• Explore what is making you angry. Is it something you have control over or not? If your anger is related to school, keep in mind that we all have different academic abilities, but are there are things that can help you reach your goals. Connecting with Tutoring Services, talking with your instructor, developing good time management or maybe even reducing your course load may help.

• Learn your triggers. What tends to set off your anger? Do you find you are quick to anger when you are feeling time pressured, when you feel like things are unfair, when you don’t understand something, when you hear about situations of injustice or when you are feeling guilty or shameful about something. Knowing what might trigger your anger will help you prepare for it.
• Learn your warning signs. This could include a racing heart, clenching your jaw or just feeling tense. Whatever your warning signs are, try to identify what it is you feel right before your anger comes on so you can learn to manage your anger before it escalates out of control.
• Have an anger management plan. Come up with a clear plan you can put into action if your anger starts to escalate. Your plan might be as simple as 3 steps – step 1 leave the situation, step 2 take 10 deep breaths and step 3 think about something else. Other parts of your plan may involve things such as relaxation strategies to help you feel calmer or regular eating, sleeping and exercise. Let’s face it, we all cope better when we’ve moved our bodies around, eaten a good meal and had a good night’s sleep.

Chronic anger or irritability combined with other symptoms can be associated with other mental health conditions, like depression and anxiety. If you have any concerns that you might be struggling with one of these things, you may want to book an appointment with one of counsellors in Counselling and Accessibility Services.

People’s experiences with grief don’t follow orderly or predictable stages. Each of us copes with loss in our unique way and our grieving changes over time.

Sometimes our “own way” of grieving doesn’t always work and we can find ourselves overwhelmed. There are things we can do to help us work through our grief when this happens.

• Journaling
  Expressing our feelings to other people can be really hard, especially about something so personal as going through a loss. Writing about our feelings is much easier because it’s private. We don’t have to share what we write if we don’t want to.

Buy yourself a notebook that will fit in your purse or backpack. When you’re feeling some emotion bubbling up, get out your notebook and write whatever comes to mind — a letter, poem, words, random facts about the day. Many people are surprised at what comes out when they sit down to write and how therapeutic this exercise is.
• Meditation
  Find yourself a quiet and comfortable place where you can be alone with your thoughts for about ten minutes. Sit quietly or listen to your favourite music. Let your mind go and see where it leads you. It’s OK to cry or feel emotional. You’re working through the grief.
• Join a support group
  How many times have you wished you could talk to someone who would understand? Support groups are a great way to connect with people who can relate to what you’re going through. If you don’t want to commit to attending meetings, online support groups such as onlinegriefsupport.com are also a good option.
• Talking about it
  When you feel ready, open up to someone you trust. This may be your best friend, partner or classmate, or it may be a counsellor.

Allowing yourself time to grieve is very important for your overall mental health. If you want to talk to someone about what you’re going through, you can meet with one of the counsellors in Counselling and Accessibility Services. To book an appointment, complete the online intake form.

Many students find the transition from university to college challenging. With all of the readings, assignments and group projects that occur in condensed, applied programs, college can actually be more difficult. It’s very challenging to balance a personal life and work life while completing such demanding programs, but it’s important to try and do so. If we don’t, we will often turn to ways of coping that can be harmful to us in the long run.

For instance, drinking lots of coffee to stay awake/alert and reducing the amount of sleep we need does work, but only for a few days at the most. Some people try to use alcohol or drugs as a way to feel better and cope. We do these things because they give us fast results, but this is deceiving because they aren’t effective coping strategies in the long-run. Eventually, coping this way will cause us to run our bodies and minds down. We can even risk developing longer term problems such as substance abuse issues.

While it might seem counterproductive, sometimes it’s about squeezing things into our busy schedules that will actually help us be more efficient in the end. For example, by giving our bodies the rest they need, we can approach challenges with a fresh perspective. With a clear mind, we are often better able to tackle problems and in less time than when we’re running on empty.

Making healthier food choices and preparing our own meals can take more time than hitting a drive thru, but it also gives us food that provides us with energy and nutrition that will fuel us for much longer. Cooking food at home can also give us a much-needed distraction and break.

Sometimes, figuring out how to add more things into our lives when we feel like we don’t have enough time as it is, can be difficult. Talking with a counsellor about our time management skills and how to access support from the Academic Success Centre can help steer us in the right direction.

Anger is a normal reaction to situations that we feel are frustrating, overwhelming or out of our control. All the stresses associated with school can certainly lead us to feel this way.

For some people, anger is triggered more easily and felt more intensely. If you think you might be one of those people, you may want to talk to someone like a counsellor about how to manage your emotions. You may also want to talk to someone if:

• when feeling angry you also feel overwhelmed and out of control
• the intensity of the anger you feel doesn’t always fit the situation
• anger feels like your primary emotion
• your relationships are suffering as a result of your anger
• anger is causing you to act out violently

Recognizing that your anger might be a problem is the first step in learning how to manage it. If you don’t want to talk to someone about your anger, there are strategies you can try on your own to help calm and mitigate your anger.

Breathe: breathing will help with the physiological symptoms associated with anger. It will slow your heart rate and help relax your body. Try breathing from your belly instead of your chest. If you put your arms over your stomach you should be able to feel it moving in and out as you take a few deep breaths.

Counting to 10 or 100: counting can allow you some time to de-escalate. Try counting until you feel your anger as become less intense.

Time out: If you can, take a break from the situation that is triggering your anger. It’s OK to excuse yourself from class and go outside and get a breath of fresh air if this will help you calm down.

Self-talk: pay attention to what you are saying in your head. Are you focusing on things that are making you more angry? Try repeating phrases like “relax”, “take it easy”, “calm down” and “I’m over it.”

Distract: think of a person, place, thing or activity that brings you a sense of calm or enjoyment. The more you practice this the easier it gets.

Click here for some more tips on controlling anger.